i tink i'm too stressed out liao, today i acty left my house at 8 tinking that i had 1 hr to travel for my 8 am lesson... i only realised on the bus after dear dear questioned me abt it and yep, i didn't turn up for lect in the end... today was such a long day.... lately my spirits have been getting down so much...

I need to ask my parents to pay for my korean summer sch, and i dunno how to ask them.. lately everyday that i come home i juz feel like crying.. I dun wanna come back to this prison anymore.. everyday I come home i feel like i'm executing myself.. and maybe it is cos' my big bday is coming up or sth i dunno, i feel like even more of a failure as the days go by... i am reaching 21 and i still can't afford to move out... i wanna move out i wanna move out i wanna move out... ever since pri sch everyday that i wake up and every night when i go to bed, i ask myself when i'm gonna move out and i have no answer. I'm so sick and tired of having no answer for myself. I dun wanna see your faces. I am so sorry. I am filled with gratitude, there is this immense guilt cos' I dun love you. There is this intense dislike, to the pt that I cannot bear to look at any of you anymore. I wanna escape. Someone bring me out of here.

I wanted to book a hotel room for one night, juz one night of indulgence for my bday. and i suddenly realised that for just one night in swissotel i could perm my hair. This is gonna be my suckiest bday ever. I have to wake up in this bed that i dun wanna wake up in. I have to come home to this house that makes me wanna cry just at the thought of it. I have no dear dear to make it better for me.

sux. okey i'm a bitch. I feel so guilty now. I feel so frustrated that i have to be guilty about my true feelings. i guess nothing in life is easy.