I'm feeling so lost, like i'm in a desert trying to search for a cactus or even better, an oasis, but all i see is sand and more sand. how did this happen? had a few sweet dreams, but they were so unrealistic and surprising. Were they a reaction to you? wateva.
i'm realli so disappointed in you. thatz all i can say. so i'm disappointed and miserable. was it my fault? was it your fault? i guess thatz not important. whatever it is, it remains that i am now misearable and i wonder how things got to this situation and i do not have an answer for myself. if i could change things with prayers, i would be a nun by now. but i can't. I'm searching for answers or a better situation, but it seems that i'm so blinded.
i dunno what to say. I know that the deadline i set was tomorrow, i know that i said i would have an answer by tomorrow, and i also know that i have to give an answer tomorrow. It would be unreasonable and therefore to me unthinkable to ask you to give me more time beyond tomorrow. But as tomorrow draws closer and closer, I still dunno what my answer is. Am I going to say yes or no tomorrow? I dunno that myself. All I can tell you is that I'm realli truly seriously thinking about it.
There my possession lies, dead and yet i keep staring at it, as if it can provide me with all the solutions. I dunno what to do with what u sent me. I know what i should do, but i purposely close one eye cos' i can't bring myself to do what i know i should do. what does that indicate? I dun wanna dwelve into that, I'm not even thinking abt it. I'm such an escapist.
There seems to be a desert between me and the real world...