My mum suggested buying an oven for me to learn my baking, and i was like, ok. So we went to tangs and bought an oven... so now i'm left feeling all guilty and remorseful... I hate asking for things from my parents... I always feel like i'm wasting their money and then i feel like a gimme-gurl.. a gurl who asks for everything.. i mean now that i tink abt it, who needs a dumb oven... so what if i'm interested in baking? i can buy a bloody oven for myself when i'm earning my own money, can't i? in fact now i feel like if i dun start baking, then i'm realli wasting their money.. and so now i feel this pressure and obligated to start baking and damn well bake nice stuff that dun flop.. i hate this feeling of guilt.. i hate the feeling that my parents feel they hafta buy me stuff to make me happy... i know itz not like that, that my mum bought the oven cos' she hopes to make me happy and not cos' she thinks its a necessity to buy for me or that i demand one, but right now i feel like such a materialistic bitch. I feel like such a lousy daughter. I dun need a goddamn oven. Now i feel like i've thrown my mum's money away. It's one thing to throw away your own money, it's another to throw ur parents'. I mean, the most impt thing is that they gimme a gd home and food at every meal rite? i mean, look at the poor kids who dun even have these necessities? who am i to ask for more from my parents? they have given me more than enough, haven they? if i want other things, if i want luxury, i shld provide it for myself instead of stretching out my hand like a beggar and asking it from them. At times like this, when my mum is so nice to me, i feel so guilty that i'm not getting good grades, not being a gd daughter, and i think abt my wanting to move out asap and i feel so guilty all over again. and i have a freaking headache the more i tink abt it and the more guilty i feel. and the fact that i basically haven started studying doesn't help abt me feeling like a super lousy daughter. I wish i had started studying for the cts.

Since this is an entry of ranting, lemme juz get my poison out. Or try to get my poison out. I know what u have done or not done these years. Dun lie in my face and tink i'm an idiot. i feel like u r stealing my identity. I know that this is irrational but i can't help feeling that way, and maybe ranting abt it will help get some of this stupid poison outta my system cos' i never wanna think or feel that way but i can't help it.. whenever i tink abt it or even when u say sth abt it i juz feel this sense of unhappiness, this kind of resentment... i wish i could stop feeling like u are taking my identity.. i wish u could return it to me and leave this way of living to me since i've been living my life my way my whole life...

Anyway, my dumb hair's starting to curl.. itz like straightening is not gd enough for it.. maybe i shld have tried sth stronger like rebonding.. i can swear that my hair inheried my temperament... that stubbornness and that "i do what i like to do and heck with what the damn world thinks" dumbass attitude...

OK, i tink itz obvious that i'm not in a gd mood... wateva.. i hope tml's a better day.