Today, vj had a full day holiday.. actually it was quite dumb to make us report all the way to school, then tell us we are all dismissed after assembly.. but hahaz.. beta than nothing.. i shldn't have brought my file tho.. waste my time looking like a toot kia carrying it all over orchard road.. anyway, today we went to watch lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate events.. it was pretty ok lahz.. not damn nice, but not not nice.. average.. but the last part was damn touching... i was a little tearful..hahaz..
Today YT told me something very meaningful..she said that although she won't be thinking abt it everyday or be very conscious, she knows that deep down in her heart, she will love him and continue loving him.. made me reflect a lot.. and i tink in a way, i've been enlightened.. right there on the bus..
Yeah, even though he no longer loves me.. i will still love him.. i guess rite now, i still think of him very often cos' the hurt is still raw.. but at least i no longer cry that much..i can control my urge when I'm in public, and i only allow myself occasional cries at night.. from now on, i guess i leave everything up to fate.. if our love is true and we are fated to be tgr, he will come back for me, be it 1 mth, 1 yr, or 10 yrs down the road.. if i'm fated to be with another guy, then he will appear, be it 1 mth, 1 yr, or 10 yrs down the road.. if i'm fated to forever love a guy who doesn't love me.. then i'll juz continue loving him 1 mth, 1 yr, 10 yrs down the road.. My friends (LL, JL) say i'm stupid for still wanting to be his friend.. but i'd rather be a stupid gurl than a soulless gurl.. like a walking corpse.. at least now, I still have the rings, the baby-g, and teddy bears.. esp the bear with the pillow and poem.. hahaz i still kiss it gd nite everyday.. and.. my love for him is 2-layered.. first layer being the love between friends, the second being what a gurl feels for a guy..
But yeah.. without him, i feel as if a whole part has been carved outta me and lost somewhere.. but that doesn't mean my life is over.. life still goes on... my journey still continues.. i still have things to anticipate, like rj.. like badminton and touch rugby and drama.. drama, which will always be there.. there are still my friends.. i still have university, and my future job.. yeah.. hahaz.. i tink slowly, i will start to be happy now and then.. of course, right now, i am very convinced that i'll never be damn happy again, cos' i'm so sure i'll love him 4eva.. even if i fall for another guy.. deep down i will still love him.. no matter wat, i will continue living my life to the fullest.. i'll only be letting myself down if i dun..and my friends who love me and have faith that i can stand back up...
To jocelyn, yuna, yuxin, yue ting, liyi, jiale, huiwen, charlene... I wanna say i love u.. each and every one of u...
To all my other gd friends, I love u guys too...
